MMATH

So it looks like anime sensation Josh Barnettu-chan is slated to take on Gilbert Yvel. Yvel just signed up with Affliction in an attempt to fight on Jan. 24th in Anaheim. There are a lot of questions to be answered with this match up such as:

1) Where the hell have either of these fighters been since PRIDE imploded?

As I’m sure you’re all aware, when PRIDE blew up in a super saiyan-like fireball of corruption, worked fights, and a bajillion dollars, it shot its contractual load all across the earth. This deposited fighters in a bunch of different organizations. Most were acquired by the UFC, others, whom the UFC didn’t like or vice versa, made their way to DREAM, Sengoku, Strikeforce and the little bitch of the MMA world; EliteXC. Barnett and Yvel, by relative standards, seemed to have disappeared in that time. Barnett’s passion of sucking his own dick kept himself occupied. He declared he was worth more recognition than the UFC would allow for, did some sweet Brett “The Hitman” Hart catch-wrestling, coached a team of washout turd burglars during an one-off event out in the Pacific ocean somewhere and generally do everything in his power to not fight Fedor. He then wound up in Sengoku, fighting glorious mismatches in true Barnett style. Living up to his tradition of fighting smaller, shorter, or much less talented people, he reeled off a few victories over Yoshida and Monson. Really though Barnett, if you’re fighting comeptition that is comprised of a dwarf and a wizard, I expect more epic body slams and Zangief style twisting pile drivers, at least put those catch wrestling skills to use.  A few months later he came up with Affliction ramming his fist into Rizzo’s meatlocker, reaffirming the fact that Pedro Rizzo has not been good since UFC 30. Here is a picture of Barnett modeling elbow cream:

That’s where he’s been. Unfortunately, no one seems to care much about Barnett unless he could potentially be fighting Fedor. As much as every MMA fan would like to see this, it’s as if the two fighters are conspiring to ensure that it will never happen. I don’t know about you, but when I ask myself the question of who I would like to see Barnett fight in lieu of Fedor I typically wouldn’t consider Yvel to even be in the same fighting universe. In fact, I would rather pay to see Yvel square off against a 74′ Buick Le Sabre. Yet Affliction has proven to me, at least, that my opinion is invalid and that MMA internet tough guys do not get to dictate which fights are going to be put together.

So, Yvel then. Really? Honestly, all I remember when I think of Yvel is that he cheated a lot, knocked out a referee and couldn’t defend a take down against a banana peel. I hardly remember any positive moments about the guy and I’m sure he has a charming personality and is capable of being on the cast of the Real World but he’s really just another tick of the clock that is Barnett’s quickly wasting career.

A positive that I will definitely give to Yvel is that he is, for better or worse, a seasoned fighter. With a 35-12 record, he’s been around the block a few times. Unfortunately, the most awesome display of his abilities in the past few years were wasted on a referee. You have to go down Yvel’s fight finder page farther than my attention span can handle to find a name that has been impressive enough to consider stiff competition. Kongo would appear to be the last person he defeated who has any real name recognition at this point. Ironically his fight against Kongo was probably the best example of how two fighters with no cardio can make slamming your dick in a sliding glass door seem exciting by comparison. Since then he has been beating up on some nameless competition in exciting organizations such as Gentlemen’s Fight Night!

2) Why on earth would they pick Gilbert Yvel to fight Barnett?

All I can imagine is that Affliction believes that Yvel has name recognition from his PRIDE days and since he has a lot of tatts he might appeal to the Tank Abbot crowd. His positive record gives a facsimile of what a talented fighter’s record might look like. This may fool people into thinking he is tough competition. All this to build Barnett’s American stock. Sadly, I think they would have been better off letting Brett Rogers fight Barnett. Shit, they could have even put Petruzelli in if they wanted to lie to people about talent. At least most of the non-diehard fans may have seen Brett Rogers looking mean and scary or Petruzelli fisting Kimbo’s beard in recent months whereas I’m sure they never caught Yvel fighting Vovchanchyn.

Here is a display of Yvel’s world class ground game:

3) Does Yvel even have a prayer in this fight?

No. Not hardly. Neither fighter has been fighting top flight competition by any means, but at least Barnett has defeated some definitely good fighters in the past. Barnett’s game appears to be improving despite how infrequently we see him and his gut has been reduced from disgusting to simply looking like a bucket of jello. Yvel on the other hand still looks like the same semi-powerful striker with a complete lack of a ground game and the biggest streak of incompetence this side of The Colossus.

I imagine the only real chance that Yvel has in this one is if Barnett is feeling his inner Gurgel and decides to stand with Yvel for whatever retarded reason. Even still, I don’t really see Yvel knocking out Barnett and Barnett’s loss to Cro-Cop has schooled him in the ways of the eye gouge, which leaves Yvel no alternatives for victory.

4) Can Yvel even fight in the United States?

I think this is the most interesting part of this match up. Will the CSAC renege on its sister commission’s harsh view of Yvel beating the crap out of some referee during his fight against Atte Backman? I don’t see any reason why they would let him fight in California. Then again this is the same commission that allowed K-1’s Dynamite show in California which means their judgment is suspect, bordering on abusive. During his comments to the NSAC he never really offered an explanation as to why he knocked the referee out, he even seemed to dodge their questions about it. Perhaps the athletic commision will do us a solid and let Cecil Peoples ref the match and call it even.

Regardless of how this all turns out, I’m disappointed in Affliction for this one. They’ve got the talent at their disposal, yet they are already starting to mismanage it. It feels like they could haven taken much stiffer competition off the shelves to take on Barnett. Barnett isn’t old by any means, but he’s certainly not getting any younger sitting around taking on sure victories. A few more years of this and he will attain a critical mass and surely become a boomer when the zombie invasion begins. The heavyweight division is such a mess right now, it would be nice if they could hurry up and get all their prelimenary, cock stroking, name building fights out of the way so they can already get to Fedor fighting Barnett. Everyone who watched PRIDE has been waiting for that one for a long damn time.